THREE POINT ONE FOUR

My last girlfriend didn't like me thought she might be
Most likely a dyke she just didn't excite me
Lefty? Yeah but that was alright
She was hotter than the sun but she just wasn't that bright
My mistake she was more flaky than a leper colony
I think a wooden clothespin would have been much better company
Ass like a donkey acting funky gave her "L" now she's a flunky
So my love for her died quicker than a batch of Sea Monkeys
Early bird gets the worm spread your legs or spread the word
So what if I'm not the smartest peanut in the turd
I'm white which goes with everything but i can come in any color
And I'm looking for the girl that reminds me of my mother
But it's hard to find a girl with a viper tattoed on her tushy
And how many girls do you know that can play the harmonica with their pussies
Like em' easy and hot and sweet like a Rice Krispie Treat gee
You know what i really want in a girl? Me

I need to find a new vagina
any kind of new vagina
It's hard to rhyme a word like vagina
Calvin Klein? Kind of North Carolina

Women are like dog doo hear me trough don't interrupt
It's just the older that they are the easier they get to pick-up
I'd fill the generation gap clean the cobwebs from her rafters
Old hens would rather put out than be put out to the pasture
No age just ain't gauge i like my girls like my cheese
Preferably for me fat-free American singles only
I want my next chick anorexic the winner is the thinner
Won't have to take her skinny ass out to a fancy dinner
Like sizzler she got a beef we'll chew the fat
If I forget to put the seat up I can put up with her crap
Let her lash out and crack the whip but not in bed I don't play rough
no i can't be tied down with a girl that wants me tied up
Just independent like NOFX smart like Janeane Garafolo
She'd use big words to make fun of me so that i would never know
Bestow upon me all her wisdom of the Dewey Decimal System gee
You know what i really want in a girl? Me

I need to find a new vagina
any kind of new vagina
It's hard to rhyme a word like vagina
Calvin Klein? Kind of North Carolina

Vagina Vagina Vagina Vagina
Vagina Vagina Vagina Vagina

I HOPE YOU DIE

You must die I alone am best!

I hope ya flip some guy the bird
He cuts you off and you're forced to swere
In front of the Beatles' tour bus
A bookmobile And a Mack truck
Hauling hazardous biological waste
The light turns red you have no brakes
And "Hard Copy" gets it all on tape
So you can see the look on you face

Die Die Die Die Die Die Die
Die Die Die Die Die Die Die

I hope your Pinto begins to spin
Takes out a disabled Vietnam Veteran
Mows down a Noble Peace Prize Winner
And maybe some orphans having Christmas dinner
Perhaps even the British Royal family
And the Rabbi that's clutching the bottle-fed puppy
And we can't forget the newlyweds
and those Jerry'a Kids are as good as dead

I hope this helps to emphasize
I hope this helps to clarify
I hope you die

I hope you cellmate thinks he's God
But C.N.N. refer to him as "Bowling Ball Bag Bob"
Serving time again for abuse of a corpse
Only this time the Victim'a a Clydesdale horse
While he masturbates to photos of livestock
He does the "Silence of the Lambs" dance to Christian Rock
Eats feces and quotes from "Deliverance"
And fights with his imaginary playmate Vince

Die Die Die Die Die Die Die
Die Die Die Die Die Die Die

I hope he grins like Jack Nicholson
And forces you to play a game called "Balls on Chin"
And whatever happens next is all blur
But you remember "fist" can be a verb
And when you finally regain consciousness
You're bound and gagged in a wedding dress
And the prison guard looks the other way
'Cause he's the guy ya flipped the bird the other day

I hope this helps to emphasize
I hope this helps to clarify
I hope you die

I hope you die

THE BALLAD OF CHASEY LAIN

Dear Chasey Lain
I wrote to explain
I'm your biggest fan
I just wanted to ask
Could i eat your ass?
Write back as soon as you can

You've had a lotta dick
Had a lotta dick
I've had al lotta time
Had a lotta time
You've had a lotta dick Chasey
But you ain't had mine

Dear Chasey Lain
I wrote to complain
Ya never wrote me back
How could I ever eat
Your ass when ya threat
Your biggest fan like that

You've had a lotta dick
Had a lotta dick
I've had al lotta time
Had a lotta time
You've had a lotta dick Chasey
But you ain't had mine

Dear Chasey Lain
I wrote to constrain
This letter is my last
As your biggest fan
I must demand
You let me eat your ass

You've had a lotta dick
Had a lotta dick
I've had al lotta time
Had a lotta time
You've had a lotta dick Chasey
But you ain't had mine

P.S.
Mom and Dad this is Chasey
Chasey this is my mom and dad
Now show 'em them titties
Now show 'em them titties
P.S.
Mom and Dad this is Chasey
Chasey this is my mom and dad
Now show 'em them titties
Now show 'em them titties

Would ya fuck me for blow?

MAGNA CUM NADA

Why try? I'm that guy
Holden Caulfield from "Catcher In the Rye"
Put away 'cause he wasn't all there
Like a jigsaw puzzle you might compare
Me to him not a liver but wurst
Been much better off as a still birth
big let down unparalleled
Like the last episode of "Seinfield"
Or Jack Lemmon in "Glengarry Glen Ross"
Pepsi Challenge took it lost
Just fizzed out with my wires crossed
Buttons pushed but never went off
Like MArtha I will self-destruct
The name's Dunnstock it's not Dumptruck
Just cursed as fuck with no such luck
My future plans include not much

Never gonna be never gonna be never gonna be never gonna be
Nothin' more than me
Never gonna be never gonna be never gonna be never gonna be
Nothin' more than me
Never gonna be never gonna be never gonna be never gonna be
Nothin' more than me
Always gonna be always gonna be always gonna be always gonna be
Most likely to suck

Wanna be a Ghostbuster
First black president owner of "Hustler"
Got shoot down like Larry Flint
Felt like shit like a bowel movement
Have you seen my will to live?
Because I seem to have lost it
Lovelife? No but Mom think's I'm handsome
Couldn't get off I held a pimp for ransom
Feel like Jimmy Steward no one sees my Harvey
Toxic Shock Syndrome gets more girls than me
Like Pee Wee Herman spermin' I can
See the future in the palm of my hand
Psychic Friends Network loser
Large phone bill in my very near future
Dealt nothing and bluffing hard
Playing poker with a joker and some Uno cards

Never gonna be never gonna be never gonna be never gonna be
Nothin' more than me
Never gonna be never gonna be never gonna be never gonna be
Nothin' more than me
Never gonna be never gonna be never gonna be never gonna be
Nothin' more than me
Always gonna be always gonna be always gonna be always gonna be
Most likely to suck

Most likely to suck
Most likely to suck
Most likely to suck
Most likely to suck
Most likely to suck

YUMMY DOWN ON THIS

Yummy down on yummy down on this down on
Yummy down on yummy down on this down on
Yummy down on yummy down on this down on
Yummy down on yummy down on this down on

Ouch it won't reach my mouth
If i could do it myself I'd propably never leave the house
But I can't so here's where you come in
Giving it "Diff'rent Strokes" just like Arnold Drummond
Hummin' hmm hmm good like Campbell's
And you'll handle the sack like quarterback Randall
Cunningham like Joanie loves Chachi
They call him Ralph Mouth 'cause he's down oon Potsie
Rocky chasing the chicken
Watch the plot thicken with the cock when your lickin'
Me like Apollo your Creed my Mission
You go down for the count I countdown ignition
blast off you're a rocket scientist
A genius what I mean is you suck at this
So escargot 'cause my snail needs Frenchin'
You must be five stars cause my stuff's at full attention

Yummy down on yummy down on this down on
Yummy down on yummy down on this down on
Yummy down on yummy down on this down on
Yummy down on yummy down on this down on

Yummy down on yummy down on this down on
Yummy down on yummy down on this down on
Yummy down on yummy down on this down on
Yummy down on yummy down on this down on

dinner for one I know you got your reservation
Starvation like a Third World Nation
So do it for the children and I'll make a donation
My fly's in your eyes let me rise to the occasion
In my Underoos I tend to the brief
So when you're sinking your teeth deep into my beef
You can fondle but it's kind of like McDonald's realize it's
Just a Happy meal so you can't Super size it
Told to hold the pickle then you went and blew it
Gherkin off and the Special Sauce comes included
But you knew it did concentrate like Tropicana
To eat a Chiquita you need to grow the banana
So can ya Bob like Dylan on my Peter like Criss
'Til it's chubby like Checker c'mon baby do the twist
It's all in the wrist like table tennis
so beat me like Betty Crocker cake mix

Yummy down on yummy down on this down on
Yummy down on yummy down on this down on
Yummy down on yummy down on this down on
Yummy down on yummy down on this down on

Suck it suck it suck it suck it suck it suck it
Suck it suck it suck it suck it suck it suck it
Suck it suck it suck it suck it suck it suck it
Suck it suck it suck it suck it suck it suck it

If you were a Hindu I could aim for the dot

Yummy down on this
Yummy down on this

Yummy down on this trobbing pole of hot man chicken.
And feel freee to wiggledunk those purple bulldog cheeks.

-=[David]=-